Watching a movie about WWII for 2.5 hours today was a little awkward. I was worried that after repetitively seeing their people be blown to bits my my people, my friends would shun me. But it was not so. Instead of shunning me, they taught me how to say "sunshine." No one even mentioned that I was from the US. I actually would have liked to talk about it a little. The movie was emotionally rough for everyone [lots of people cried] and I tend to want to talk things like that through afterward. But I realized that the awkwardness was not in the atmosphere, but just in me, and caused by my worry. No one blames me for what happened, just like I don't hold anything against them. And I hope that after my year here the first thing that comes to people's minds when they think of the US is that tall confused and friendly girl, and not how their grandparents died or that gory movie they saw in school.
I'm having racial problems in mandolin, in the most non-problematic and amusing way possible. They keep trying to fix the way I hold the mandolin, but it is just physically impossible. My limbs [specifically my arms] are too long to hold the mandolin the correct Japanese way. So they'll kind of look at how I hold it, and then try to adjust it so my elbow is closer to the instrument, but then the pick ends up half way up the neck, so they try to readjust me, and eventually we just all give up.
Today I went back to my temple for a shodo event. About 80 people came, and we all spent about an hour writing out a Buddhist prayer/chant. Before and after, there was "Namu Amida Bu"-ing and ceremonial things like that. Because of where I was sitting, I had to carry up a bowl of flowers and put it on the altar. I think I managed to do it correctly!! The shodo part though... I made lots of mistakes. But part of what I love about Buddhism [I don't know if it is just this area, or all of Buddhism actually] is that no one cares if you make a mistake. I was worried at first when I started being involved that I would make lots of mistakes and RUIN THE WHOLE CEREMONY. I saw all these rituals and thought they must be incredibly sacred and must be done perfectly. Yes, they are sacred, but Buddhists are generally nice understanding people. And it isn't so serious all the time. If I do something wrong, I'm not interrupting some fragile channel connecting them momentarily to their source of truth, I'm just making it obvious I'm a foreigner, and the ceremony goes on. It seems to me that Buddhism in Japan isn't really so much of a religion, in the way I'm used to defining religion, but more of a cultural tradition. [I didn't wreck any ceremonies today... I just am bad at writing kanji and accidentally skipped a whole line]. I find it amusing that it is now a normal part of my life to have coffee with half a dozen men in big robes and shaved heads. I also realized that by Japanese standards, I'm Buddhist. I don't know if I am by my own standards, but I've gone on the trips and I go to shodo every week and other temple events, which is what Japanese Buddhist do. [this ties back to it being more of a cultural thing than a religious thing]. I guess the real test of my Buddhism would be where I had my funeral, but I don't plan on having that any time soon.
It was odd for me today going from my current home to my old home. It seems strange to have 2 places that feel like home [I really don't know why, seeing that I've had 2 homes for more than half of my life]. Also, there are at least 5 people I think of as some sort of motherly figure. [My real mom, my two host moms, the Spanish woman here, and Cynthia.] I guess "home" no longer means "where a person lives" but is more along the lines of "a place that a person knows well and feels safe and loved." And "mother" is no longer "the woman who ejected me from her womb" but "any woman that takes care of me." [Mom... I definitely don't just think of you as a womb. If I was less tired right now I'd make that sound less harsh. But you know I love you <3].
Random note:
I still get freaked out when I see people eating or reading in the left front seat of cars.
I'm having racial problems in mandolin, in the most non-problematic and amusing way possible. They keep trying to fix the way I hold the mandolin, but it is just physically impossible. My limbs [specifically my arms] are too long to hold the mandolin the correct Japanese way. So they'll kind of look at how I hold it, and then try to adjust it so my elbow is closer to the instrument, but then the pick ends up half way up the neck, so they try to readjust me, and eventually we just all give up.
Today I went back to my temple for a shodo event. About 80 people came, and we all spent about an hour writing out a Buddhist prayer/chant. Before and after, there was "Namu Amida Bu"-ing and ceremonial things like that. Because of where I was sitting, I had to carry up a bowl of flowers and put it on the altar. I think I managed to do it correctly!! The shodo part though... I made lots of mistakes. But part of what I love about Buddhism [I don't know if it is just this area, or all of Buddhism actually] is that no one cares if you make a mistake. I was worried at first when I started being involved that I would make lots of mistakes and RUIN THE WHOLE CEREMONY. I saw all these rituals and thought they must be incredibly sacred and must be done perfectly. Yes, they are sacred, but Buddhists are generally nice understanding people. And it isn't so serious all the time. If I do something wrong, I'm not interrupting some fragile channel connecting them momentarily to their source of truth, I'm just making it obvious I'm a foreigner, and the ceremony goes on. It seems to me that Buddhism in Japan isn't really so much of a religion, in the way I'm used to defining religion, but more of a cultural tradition. [I didn't wreck any ceremonies today... I just am bad at writing kanji and accidentally skipped a whole line]. I find it amusing that it is now a normal part of my life to have coffee with half a dozen men in big robes and shaved heads. I also realized that by Japanese standards, I'm Buddhist. I don't know if I am by my own standards, but I've gone on the trips and I go to shodo every week and other temple events, which is what Japanese Buddhist do. [this ties back to it being more of a cultural thing than a religious thing]. I guess the real test of my Buddhism would be where I had my funeral, but I don't plan on having that any time soon.
It was odd for me today going from my current home to my old home. It seems strange to have 2 places that feel like home [I really don't know why, seeing that I've had 2 homes for more than half of my life]. Also, there are at least 5 people I think of as some sort of motherly figure. [My real mom, my two host moms, the Spanish woman here, and Cynthia.] I guess "home" no longer means "where a person lives" but is more along the lines of "a place that a person knows well and feels safe and loved." And "mother" is no longer "the woman who ejected me from her womb" but "any woman that takes care of me." [Mom... I definitely don't just think of you as a womb. If I was less tired right now I'd make that sound less harsh. But you know I love you <3].
Random note:
I still get freaked out when I see people eating or reading in the left front seat of cars.
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